How to Have Open Conversation on Infertility: Tips for African Couples
By: Foluke Akinwalere. Health & Wellness Writer. Medical review and editorial support provided by the DLHA Team.
African couple sitting in their bedroom, having open conversation about their infertility. Image credit: ChatGPT
Infertility is one of the most emotionally charged challenges a couple can face. It not only impacts the dream of building a family but also affects self-esteem, mental health, and the dynamics of a relationship. In many cultures, especially in parts of Africa, infertility is often surrounded by silence, stigma, and misplaced blame, which make open communication between couples not just difficult but sometimes even painful.
However, the ability to have honest, respectful, and supportive conversations about infertility is vital for emotional connection and resilience. This article offers practical tips for African couples on how to navigate this sensitive topic and maintain a strong bond through it all.
Benefits of open communication in infertility
Infertility isn’t just a medical issue; it is deeply personal, emotional, and relational. Research shows that couples who handle infertility in a similar and supportive way tend to communicate better and usually grow closer in their relationship. In contrast, when partners have conflict approaches, it can lead to poor communication and strain their relationship. [1]
When couples avoid talking about it, emotional walls begin to build. Silence, assumptions, and blame can create tension and this can drive partners apart.
On the other hand, open communication:
When both partners can speak openly, it becomes easier to face the uncertainty and challenges of infertility as a team, rather than as individuals suffering in silence.
Understanding the obstacles to healthy communication is the first step toward overcoming them. Some of these include:
In many cultures, infertility is seen as a negative thing, which can lead to feelings of shame, secrecy, and isolation. Cultural expectations often pressure couples to remain silent about their struggles, which make it difficult to seek help or support.
Religious beliefs can also affect how couples approach fertility treatment. Some faiths and cultures may not accept treatment options like artificial reproductive technologies (ARTs), surrogacy, or the use of donated sperm or eggs, which can limit the choice available to couples and increase emotional distress. [2]
Cultural and religious beliefs jointly play a significant role in shaping the experiences and decisions of those facing infertility.
Related: Male Infertility in Nigeria: Ethnocultural and Religious Considerations
Dealing with infertility can be emotionally painful. It may cause anxiety, sadness, anger, or depression, and make people feel isolated.
Family and friends may not fully understand what someone with infertility is going through, which makes it hard to find comfort or help.
Both men and women may avoid talking about their feelings because they fear breaking down or not knowing how to handle tough emotions. This can make communication harder.
Financial concerns, as some of the treatment may be costly, and time constraints, can create stress and barriers to accessing and discussing infertility.
Some couples don’t fully understand what is causing their infertility, the treatment options available, or the potential outcomes of the treatments.
Some couples can’t easily find trustworthy information about infertility. This can lead to misinformation and false beliefs.
Many people (especially men) find it difficult to talk about how infertility makes them feel with their partners, family, or friends.
Some couples avoid discussing their experiences about infertility altogether because it’s too painful or overwhelming.
Men may feel pressure to be “strong” or may find it harder to express vulnerability. Meanwhile, women may internalise guilt or avoid raising the topic to avoid upsetting their partner.
Recognising these barriers helps couples approach each other with more compassion and patience.
Fertility struggles affect both partners, but how each person experiences and expresses the impact may differ significantly.
In African societies, infertility affects men and women in different ways due to traditional gender roles and cultural beliefs. Women often face greater challenges, including stigma, marital problems, and emotional distress, while men typically experience less pressure and are less active in seeking treatment. [3]
When couples have a better perspective about factors that shape their respective views of infertility, they are able to have non-judgemental and productive discussion.
Bringing up infertility might feel uncomfortable, but it is better to start early before resentment or emotional distance sets in. Here are some tips on how to begin:
Black couple seated on a bench choosing a quiet setting to discuss their infertility issue: Image credit: Freepik.
Find a quiet, private time to talk—free from distractions or stress. Avoid starting such conversations during arguments or when either of you is already emotionally drained.
Black couple in discussion in the bedroom in romantic grooming and empathetic conversation. Image credit: Freepik.
Begin with kind words. Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements. For example”
Black couple expressing affection. Being gentle facilitates open communication. Image credit: Freepik.
Share your thoughts and emotions openly, but avoid accusations or harsh language. Express that your goal is to seek and find solutions together.
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Black couple in bedroom with male partner probing his female partner's feelings. Image credit: Freepik.
Don’t assume you already know how your partner feels. Instead, open the door with a gentle question like,
One conversation isn’t enough, infertility is a process, and your feelings may evolve. Make it clear that it’s okay to keep talking and checking in. For example:
Here are practical tips to help couples navigate infertility conversations in a healthy and constructive way.
Remember that both of you are likely struggling in your own ways. Be careful not to criticise or make assumptions. Instead, ask open-ended questions that start with the “I” statement and listen without judgement.
Black couple sitting with the male partner expressing validation of his female partner’s emotions. Image credit: Freepik.
Each person’s response to infertility is unique. One partner may cry, another may withdraw. Avoid saying things like “Don’t feel that way” or "You're overreacting.” Instead, try:
Validation helps your partner feel heard and supported.
Black couple in angry coversation, finger pointing and blaming. Image credit: Freepik.
Whether the issue lies with the male partner, female partner, or remains unexplained, blaming will only create more emotional harm. Support each other regardless of the diagnosis.
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Black couple in discussion over coffee, with the lady listening actively. Image credit: Freepik.
Let your partner speak without interrupting. Maintain eye contact, nod in acknowledgement, and repeat back what you’ve heard to show understanding. For example:
Decide together how much you want to share with other people (family, friends, and community). Agree on boundaries around discussing the issue with others, and respect each other's comfort levels.
While talking openly with your partner is crucial, some issues may feel too complex or emotionally draining to handle alone. Knowing when to bring in outside support can help you move forward with more confidence and less strain on your relationship. Here are some situations where seeking professional help came make a significant difference:
If your discussions about infertility often turn into arguments, blame, or emotional shutdowns, a couple therapist can help guide more productive and respectful conversations. A neutral third party can help both partners feel heard without judgement.
Infertility can trigger intense emotions—grief, shame, anxiety, and hopelessness. If either of you feels emotionally stuck, constantly sad, or mentally exhausted, individual or joint counseling can offer emotional tools and support.
Sometimes, confusion or disagreement stems from a lack of knowledge about the medical side of infertility. A fertility specialist (Gynaecologist, Obstetrician, Endocrinologists, or Reproductive Health Nurse) can explain test results, treatment options, and timelines, which can ease anxiety and improve decision-making as a couple.
Whether you’re considering assisted reproductive techniques, donor options, adoptions, or deciding to stop treatment, these are significant and life-altering choices. A counselor or fertility coach can help you evaluate options, align values, and reach mutual understanding.
Joining a support group—either in-person or online—can provide a much-needed sense of connection. Hearing from others who are on similar journeys can reduce feelings of shame and loneliness, and help you gather strength and perspective.
In many cultures, especially in parts of Africa, the pressure to conceive comes not only from personal desires but also from family expectations, societal norms, and sometimes even religious beliefs. Here’s how to manage external pressure while preserving your relationship and mental well-being:
It’s okay to tell family members that certain topics are off-limits. You can say something like, “We’re focusing on our health and would appreciate not being asked about children for now.” This creates space to breathe without constant questioning.
Not everyone deserves full access to your journey. Choose a few trusted individuals to confide in, and agree with your partner on what information stays private.
Discuss how you’ll respond to pressure before family gatherings. When you and your partner support each other in front of others, it sends a strong message that this is a shared journey and that your decisions are mutual.
Having a few responses ready can help when faced with intrusive questions. For example:
If you’re emotionally ready, consider educating close family members about your infertility. Share how it affects you and your partner emotionally and medically. Sometimes, people pressure others simply because they don’t understand what infertility truly means.
Infertility can challenge even the strongest relationships, but with effort and care, couples can emerge stronger with ongoing open communication.
Wife and husband seated on a sofa spending quality time together drinking despite their infertility problem. Image credit: Freepik.
Don’t let infertility dominate every conversation. Talk about your dreams, hobbies, or current events, or weekend plans. This helps maintain balance and keeps your identity as a couple intact.
Communicate to celebrate small steps such as completing a test, getting answers, or simply having a good day. These little wins help maintain hope and connection.
Take time to express appreciation for each other’s support and efforts. Gratitude helps shift focus from pain to partnership.
Regularly ask each other how you’re feeling, not just physically, but emotionally. A simple “How are you coping today?” can go a long way in showing support and understanding.
Infertility is a deeply emotional journey, but it does not have to isolate couples or break relationships. In fact, when faced with openness, patience, and shared sensitivity, it can bring couples closer and build resilience.
Having open conversations about infertility is not easy, but it is necessary. Begin with empathy, speak your truth kindly, and listen with your heart. Support each other, lean on professionals when needed, and never let silence widen the gap between you.
1. Pasch A, Sullivan KT. Stress and coping in couples facing infertility, Current Opinion in Psychology, 2017; Volume 13, Pages 131-135, doi: 10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.07.004. Available from here.
2. Igbolekwu CO, Mkperedem AA, Arisukwu OC, Uwadinma-Idemudia E, Iwuh J, Olawale AA, Religious and cultural interpretations of artificial insemination in South-West Nigeria, AJOG Global Reports, 2023, 3(2); 100113, doi: 10.1016/j.xagr.2022.100113. Available from here.
3. Roomaney R, Salie M, Jenkins D. et al. A scoping review of the psychosocial aspects of infertility in African countries. Reprod Health 21, 123 (2024). Available from here.
Related:
Male Infertility in Nigeria: Causes, Symptoms, Diagnosis and Treatment
Infertility: Causes in African Women and Men with Prevention Tips
13 Ways to Know Why You Are Infertile with Expert Advice on Treatment
Infertility in African Women: All You Need to Know
Published: June 18, 2025
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